Week 11: Fidelity & Physical Intimacy

As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I have some non-member friends wonder what we believe regarding sexual intimacy.  We believe sexual intimacy is a divine gift given to men and women to procreate and strengthen their bond and fidelity to one another.  In order to enjoy blessings to the fullest we must have sexual intimacy within the bonds of marriage.  See below principles and teachings from Latter-day prophets regarding sexual intimacy.

• Physical Intimacy Ordained of God

“We bring it into the world with us, but that, like everything else, has to be sanctified. An unlawful gratification of these feelings and sympathies is wrong in the sight of God, and leads down to death, while a proper exercise of our functions leads to life, happiness, and exaltations in this world and the world to come. And so it is in regard to a thousand other things.”  -President John Taylor, Intimacy in Marriage (Links to an external site.) and Gospel Kingdom, 61.

• Intimacy and Blessings from the Lord

“It is the destiny of men and women to join together to make eternal family units. In the context of lawful marriage, the intimacy of sexual relations is right and divinely approved. There is nothing unholy or degrading about sexuality in itself, for by that means men and women join in a process of creation and in an expression of love.”  - President Spencer W. Kimball, Intimacy in Marriage  (Links to an external site.)and The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball [1982], 311

• Misused Physical Intimacy

 “Tenderness and respect–never selfishness–must be the guiding principles in the intimate relationship between husband and wife. Each partner must be considerate and sensitive to the other’s needs and desires. Any domineering, indecent, or uncontrolled behavior in the intimate relationship between husband and wife is condemned by the Lord.” -President Howard W. Hunter, “Being a Righteous Husband and Father (Links to an external site.),” Ensign, Nov. 1994, 51

• Birth Control

“I am offended by the sophistry that the only lot of the Latter-day saint women is to be barefoot and pregnant. It’s a clever phrase, but it’s false. Of course we believe in children. The Lord has told us to multiply and replenish the earth that we might have joy in our posterity, and there is no greater joy than the joy that comes of happy children in good families. But he did not designate the number, nor has the church. That is a sacred matter left to the couple and the Lord. The official statement of the Church includes this language: ‘Husbands must be considerate of their wives, who have the greater responsibility not only of bearing children but of caring for them through childhood, and should help them conserve their health and strength. Married couples should exercise self-control in all of their relationships. They should seek inspiration from the Lord in meeting their marital challenges and rearing their children according to the teachings of the gospel.’” -President Gordon B. Hinckley, Cornerstones of a Happy Home (Links to an external site.), 6.

• Sensitivity to Spouse

“Both husbands and wives have physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual need associated with this sacred act. They will be able to complement each other in the marriage relationship if they give tender, considerate attention to these needs of their partner. Each should seek to fulfill the other’s needs rather than to use this highly significant relationship merely to satisfy his or her own passion. Couples will discover differences in the needs or desires each partner has for the relationship, but when each strives to satisfy the needs of the other these differences need not present a serious problem. Remember, this intimate relationship between husband and wife was established to bring joy to them. An effort to reach this righteous objective will enable married couples to use their complementary natures to bring joy to this union.”  A Parent’s Guide (Links to an external site.), chapter 6 (Links to an external site.) The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

• Be True to Your Spouse

“If you are married, avoid flirtations of any kind. Sometimes we hear of a married man going to lunch with his secretary or other women in the office. Men and women who are married sometimes flirt and tease with members of the opposite sex. So-called harmless meetings are arranged, or inordinate amounts of time are spent together. In all of these cases, people rationalize by saying that these are natural expressions of friendship. But what may appear to be harmless teasing or simply having a little fun with someone of the opposite sex can easily lead to more serious involvement and eventual infidelity. A good question to ask ourselves is this: Would my spouse be pleased if he or she knew I was doing this? Would a wife be pleased to know that her husband lunches alone with his secretary? Would a husband be pleased if he saw his wife flirting and being coy with another man? My beloved brothers and sisters, this is what Paul men at when he said, “Abstain from all appearance of evil” (1 Thessalonians 5:22)  -President Ezra Taft Benson. “The Law of Chastity (Links to an external site.),” BYU 1987-88 Devotional and Fireside Speeches [1988], p. 52.

These principles are important for a happy marriage.  Sexual intimacy has a divine purpose.  Our physical passions are not for selfish desires but to create eternal families. One of the most important principles I learned is being true to your spouse.  In our society, many people will argue flirtations and pornography are harmless.  However, our interactions with others through the internet or in person, and even certain media can affect fidelity in marriage.  I remember in the early part of my marriage I viewed flirting with guys as harmless.  In high school I flirted with a lot of guys and always gave people hugs, guys or girls.   But I remember once I got married, my husband asked me to stop giving hugs to guys. Another thing I remember changing was how I dressed.  I used to wear a really tight pencil skirt. I loved wearing it.  One day, my husband said that it showed off too much and was drawing attention to areas of my body that he felt was not appropriate as a married woman.  I thought these requests were weird, because I thought the things I was doing were harmless.  As I started to adjust some things in my life, I matured and learned how to be true to my spouse. In closing, President Howard W. Hunter says, “Be faithful in your marriage covenants in thought, word, and deed.”  As we strive to be faithful to our spouse we will increase unity and trust in our marriage.