Principles For Marriage

As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I have some non-member friends wonder what we believe regarding sexual intimacy.  We believe sexual intimacy is a divine gift given to men and women to procreate and strengthen their bond and fidelity to one another.  In order to enjoy blessings to the fullest we must have sexual intimacy within the bonds of marriage.  See below principles and teachings from Latter-day prophets regarding sexual intimacy. Physical Intimacy Ordained of God “We bring it into the world with us, but that, like everything else, has to be sanctified. An unlawful gratification of these feelings and sympathies is wrong in the sight of God, and leads down to death, while a proper exercise of our functions leads to life, happiness, and exaltations in this world and the world to come. And so it is in regard to a thousand other things.”  -President John Taylor,  Intimacy in Marriage  (Links to an external site.)...

Does something seem off in your marriage but can’t pinpoint the root of the problem?  How do you find problems in your marriage that need to be addressed? John Gottman in  The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work  provides a handy way to identify areas for improvement in your marriage.  He calls it “The Marital Poop Detector.” It helps you recognize when something doesn’t seem right in your marriage.  It can be beneficial when couples have a built-in early warning when their marriage quality is in jeopardy.  Some marriage experts believe couples have overblown expectations of one another.  They believe if you lower your expectations you will have less disappointment therefore more happiness.  However, letting things slide is not the way to improve marriage quality.  “Donald Baucom of the University of North Carolina has debunked this idea through studying couples’ standards and expectations of each other.” (Gottman)  In fact, those...

Conflict is inevitable in marriage.  There are two types of marital conflict.  According to Gottman, the problems in marriage are either solvable or perpetual.  A solvable problem is something that can be resolved with your spouse.  A perpetual problem is something that will be in your marriage forever in one way or another.  Majority of marital conflict, unfortunately, falls into the perpetual category, 69% to be exact.  Usually a couple has the same argument about these problems over and over again no matter how many years passed.  These problems are usually related to housework, finances, child-rearing, habits, and sex.  “Despite what many therapists will tell you, you don’t have to resolve your major marital conflicts for your marriage to thrive.” (Gottman) Within marital conflict, it’s important to recognize and define your disagreements so you can customize your coping strategies. When facing a perpetual problem it is important to a...

         Pride can be harmful in a marriage.  If a couple isn’t careful, pride can drive a wedge between a husband and wife.  President Benson teaches about pride.  He says, “The central feature of pride is enmity—enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen. Enmity means ‘hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.’ . . .Pride is essentially competitive in nature.”  No matter how the world may view or describe pride it is deadly to a relationship.  Often in a marriage couples can play little pride games causing hurt feelings.            One pride game I have observed is ignoring your spouse or giving your spouse the “cold shoulder.”  I remember one particular evening my husband was upset at the dog because she dug up one of our baby trees.  He was frustrated at the dog but put the anger towards me.  I was trying to be helpful that evening in ...

                      In marriage it’s vital to turn toward one another.  This simply means be attuned to your spouses needs.  Be aware of little moments to connect with your spouse.  These opportunities come when your spouse “bids” for your attention, affection, humor, or support.  They usually occur in small moments.  For an example, it is when your spouse asks for a backrub, reaches to hold your hand, or calls to chat during a lunch break.  When you turn toward your spouse in these moments trust, connection, and passion will grow.  John Gottman promises, “being helpful to each other will do far more for the strength and passion of your marriage than a two-week Bahamas getaway.” [1]             There can be challenges in turning towards one another.  One challenge I’ve experienced is distraction. Technology is a part of our...