Week 4: The Three Wolves

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Every marriage will face three wolves: natural adversity, imperfections, and excessive individualism.  Out of these three “wolves” excessive individualism is detrimental to our society.  In America, we value individualism, autonomy and freedom to choose.  But at what point can those values become harmful?  When a man and woman join together in marriage they agree to support one another, to love, help and serve one another. They promise to give of themselves to help their spouse grow. 
In today’s society there is a common obsession with one-self.  People often focus their energy on career, image, and autonomy.  Some extremes leading to fear of commitment and even viewing family life (marriage and children) as bondage.  Our culture is changing from striving to grow families to individuals seeking self-fulfillment.  This ideology creates contractual attitudes leading people to walk away when trouble comes.  As a result, civil marriages are commonly viewed as contracts, marrying to obtain certain things and staying only if they receive what they expected. However, marriages are not contracts they are covenants. 
In a talk given by Elder Bruce C. Hafen he teaches about covenant marriages and the effects of the wolves. He said, “Covenant marriage requires a total leap of faith: they must keep their covenants without knowing what risks that may require of them. They must surrender unconditionally, obeying God and sacrificing for each other. Then they will discover what Alma called “incomprehensible joy.”
Husbands and wives should give their best effort in their marriage, seeking to give comfort and provide happiness for their spouse.  As they give to each other they will grow closer together strengthening their bond. I personally struggle to give of myself to my husband.  I easily get caught up in what I need to do that day or what I think my husband should be doing with his time.  I can be quick to judge or become grumpy if things are not working our I expect.  This of course is not helpful in a marriage.  I have been married for 10 years now and I am continuing to strive to improve myself.  As I turn my focus from judgement and unspoken expectations to acts of kindness and patienece my husband and I will grow closer to one another and have a sense of harmony amongst us. 
We are warned about the damaging effects of the wolf on contractual attitudes in the New Testament John chapter 10. Elder Hafen recites, “Jesus taught about contractual attitudes when he described the ‘hireling,’ who performs his conditional promise of care only when he receives something in return. When the hireling ‘seeth the wolf coming,’ he ‘leaveth the sheep, and fleeth … because he … careth not for the sheep.’ By contrast, the Savior said, ‘I am the good shepherd, … and I lay down my life for the sheep.’ Many people today marry as hirelings. And when the wolf comes, they flee. This idea is wrong. It curses the earth, turning parents’ hearts away from their children and from each other.” [1]
The adversary exaggerates the need for autonomy and exploits it at every possible chance.  He uses tools like distrust, suspicion, envy, or desires to be alone.  It is my hope that we can bring back marriage as a covenant.  A promise between Heavenly Father, husband and wife to sacrifice ourselves for each other, to love and support one another.  “And when the wolf comes, may we be as shepherds, not hirelings, willing to lay down our lives, a day at a time, for the sheep of our covenant.” [1]

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